MY WORST NIGHTMARE!

Ok, this morning I got woke up with terrible feeling. I had a nightmare .. THE WORST WORST WORST NIGHTMARE I’ve ever had in my entire life!! X_X. It's about death. I dislike death to death, moreover if people that I love die, and that's the reason why I NEVER want to attend burial ceremony in real life; mourning is still okay to go.

So, it was  about my friend (who is very meant to me for now) who died. In that dream, my friend was dead because of train accident. I was told that he stood up near the neck of train wagon, then there were some shakes, then he lost balance and fell off to under of train. Can you imagine that? Even I see my own writing there, I am scared!  I felt the dream was too much scary away.

Then after heard the news, I was histerically …. grieving.

But, lets go backward the story, a couple of days before that day, I still met him. I met him in one fine dining restaurant. I am not quite sure it was accidental meeting or because we attended same party. But I knew, I was quite shocked to meet him there, we stared each other for a while, then nothing happened even said (as usual?) and we went back with our agendas. He was with his friends as well as I was. I remembered that, I actually had something to say to him, really wanted to say something. I was feeling unpleasant, uncomfortable there coz there was something that made me keep thinking out of enjoying dishes. But until I got out from restaurant, I still didn’t say anything. But what I remembered, I saw from his face, that he had a great time with his friends. I was quite happy to see that.

Then, a couple of days after that … BUMP! I heard the news he died of train accident.

I cant decribe you exactly what I felt there, but really, it was so painful scene. Really painful. I still can imagine the feeling until now.

I kept confirming to our same colleagues that “Is it real? Is he really died??” .. I kept asking, kept asking, kept asking that. I really couldn’t believe and receive that news. Even I could feel myself forcing so hard to wake up, trying to convince myself it was dream etc. Even I slightly felt that it was indeed reality! Reality in dream. X_x

Then FOR THE GOD’s GOODNESS, I woke up. To the most top real reality. I cant bring you to feel this feeling exactly too, but try to imagine that you thanked to death the thing was FORTUNATELY just a real dream, but in same time you still felt REALLY REALY REALLY bad because of the it. You still had the heat, the sweat, and little water in the edge of your eyes.

***

I don’t know what this dream was talking about. Somekind of subconcious dream like Freud’s psychoanalysis theory said? Or maybe telling something / task that I  should do..? I’ve still wondered how come this dream popped up suddenly. After not so long I decided to leave my story about him to be placed at its best beautiful ending without pain, to keep something unsaid, to keep silent about the beautiful thing and express its gracious beauty with another beautiful way.

But maybe this dream will change my mind and finish it in another way. I still don’t know for sure how the way will be, even after I tell this to you.